It’s funny how sometimes you don’t realize that you were in a toxic relationship until after the relationship had ended. When you’re so committed to making something work, you’re quite often blind to the toxicity that is controlling your life and influencing your daily decisions.
Let’s acknowledge that relationships evolve every single day. They change. They grow. Sometimes they crash and burn into the ground. Sometimes they flourish into something truly special. At the end of the day, we sometimes don’t know how things will end up, but we still plow forward anyway. And that’s okay! But we also need to know when to get out of something unhealthy.
If you’re anything like me, you love LOVE. The feeling of love is euphoric and extravagant. But our love of love sometimes can be blinding to how bad the relationship actually is. How toxic the situation may be. Today, we’re going to explore that.
WHAT EXACTLY IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
Good question. To me, a toxic relationship is a relationship in which the behavior of a person is emotionally (and sometimes physically) damaging to their partner.
Sometimes the toxicity is clear as day. The worst, however, is when it’s not clear until some damage has already been done.
HAVE YOU BEEN IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP BEFORE?
Yes, but I cannot place the blame on the other person. This was mutually toxic, I’ve learned as I reflect on it. As I think back on this recent relationship, I realized that we were simply toxic for each other. It was nothing intentional on either end, but it simply wasn’t healthy.
I cannot (and will not) speak for them. But I will speak for me when I say that I was blinded. When I am in a relationship, I will do anything to make it work. That’s just who I am. I am so committed that I overlook (sometimes knowingly) the red flags that are waving right in front of my face. I’m sure this person would say that they did the same about my red flags. But we did it anyway. And it didn’t work. And the ending hurt SO BAD. (I’m good now, but for a few days there I was like, “GAHHHHHHH!!!!!” lolllll – Now I just laugh at myself when I think back on it.)
MAYBE YOU ARE THE TOXIC ONE?
I think about that every day. I try not to be by thinking about how other people have treated me. However, I am not perfect and I am quite sure that I may have been guilty of some of things that I am speaking of in this blog post. I hold myself to a high standard though, so I do my best to learn and be better as I get older and continue to date.
HOW DO I KNOW I’M IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
Ah, the most important question of them all: How do I know?! Let’s look at Ky’s 5 Ways to Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship.
1 – It Feels Wrong Everyday
If you wake up every day and something just seems off with the relationship… you may be in a toxic relationship. If you can’t figure out what it is that’s bothering you, you might need to think about letting it go.
2 – Nothing Ever Gets Resolved
If every dispute ends with you both on opposite sides of the spectrum, like, literally everything… you might be in a toxic relationship. Leave gracefully. These situations pile up and can come back to haunt you in future disagreements.
3 – Their Anger Is Justified. Yours Is Not.
If they consistently make you feel as though their anger is justified and yours is not, you might be in a toxic relationship. This feeling stinks and nobody wants to feel this way. Get out.
4 – They Make You Feel Like You Are Always Wrong
If they constantly make you feel as though YOU are the one always in the wrong, you might be in a toxic relationship. Sure, you may not be perfect, but if things are constantly your fault according to them, you should understand how unhealthy that is for both of you.
5 – They Try To Tell You That You Don’t Feel The Way You Say You Do
If you’re dating someone who quite often tells you that you don’t actually feel the way that you say that you’re feeling, you may be in a toxic relationship. Nobody… and I mean NOBODY… can tell you how you SHOULD be feeling or that you’re not actually feeling your actual feelings. If they feel that way, it’s sometime because they don’t like knowing that they may have been responsible for making someone else feel like garbage.
6 – They Push Your Buttons, Then Call You Defensive When You React
I’m a very, very patient person. I pride myself on my patience. But sometimes a person finds a way to continually push my buttons, and when I finally lose my patience, they call me defensive for standing up for myself… genuine sign that I am in a toxic relationship. You might be in something similar. Don’t let this happen.
7 – They Make You Doubt Yourself
If you’re with someone that constantly makes you doubt yourself and your beliefs, you may be in a toxic relationship. Relationships are not about doubt, they should be about hope and promise.
8 – Gut Feeling
If you have a gut feeling that you’re in a toxic relationship… you probably are in a toxic relationship. Trust your gut and figure out what you’re going to do next.
9 – You’re Clearly Not A Part of Their Plans
If you’re clearly not in their plans, then you may be in a toxic relationship. I don’t mean plans as in “going out with friends on Friday” plans. I mean plans as in your future. Relationships should not be one person dragging along the other person. Ew.
CAN YOU FIX A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
I think every relationship is worth fighting for… until it’s not. It takes both people to win this battle. But if you’re constantly fighting to keep things afloat in 2020, it’s probably best you let it go and move on.
Good Luck, God Bless & Good Vibes!