Are You Lazy, Or Is Your Brain Hitting A Wall?

Did you know that children with ADHD receive an estimated 10,000 to 20,000 more negative corrections about their behavior by age 12 than their neurotypical peers? Dr. Russell Barkley points this out, and it perfectly explains why we develop such a massive, unrelenting inner critic.

As someone diagnosed with ADHD at age 34, I spent decades beating myself up. Because I am a night owl who prefers 3 AM inspiration bursts over early mornings, I constantly told myself I was broken. I thought my inability to start simple tasks meant I lacked discipline. It turns out, my brain simply operates on a different frequency. Executive dysfunction is a biological reality, not a moral failure.

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The Conversation & Our Amazing Sponsor

In this episode, I sit down with Lori Glenn. Lori is a Registered Psychotherapist, clinical supervisor, and the founder of Calming Minds Therapy and Wellness in Ontario, Canada. As a fellow ADHDer, she completely understands the exhaustion of hiding your authentic self behind an invisible wall. We explore how to drop the mask, manage emotional dysregulation, and lean into extreme self-kindness.

Before we get into the notes, I want to thank our incredible season sponsor, Sucreabeille. They are an indie perfume house based in storytelling and geek culture. We partnered to create a custom scent called “Why Did I Walk Into This Room?”. Featuring notes of cherry pie, cinnamon, and acceptance, it is a gender-neutral love letter to the neurodivergent community.

Key Takeaways: Unmasking Your ADHD Brain

Masking at Work: The Invisible Wall

Many neurodivergent adults learn early on that hiding their traits leads to social survival. Lori perfectly describes this exhausting defense mechanism.

  • “I think masking feels safer. It feels like survival.”
  • We slip into masking like putting on a second skin, constantly terrified of being judged or ostracized.
  • When we finally take the mask off, we experience less anxiety and come into a natural alignment with our true selves.

Time Blindness is Biological

If you chronically run late or underestimate how long a task takes, you are not doing it on purpose.

  • “We don’t register time in the same way.”
  • Lori notes that we completely lack an internal compass for time.
  • External Authority Check: According to CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), time blindness is a core deficit in executive functioning, making it nearly impossible for ADHD brains to sequence events or gauge the passage of time accurately. Read more about executive function skills here: https://chadd.org/about-adhd/executive-function-skills/

Executive Dysfunction vs. Laziness

Stop calling yourself lazy. Lori reframes this beautifully by asking us to look at the effort required to complete a task.

  • If you are climbing a massive, steep hill, it takes longer.
  • A neurotypical person might have a flat, paved road. You have a mountain. Taking longer to climb the mountain does not mean you lack motivation. It means you face a steeper incline.

Modifying Therapy for Neurodivergent Minds

Traditional therapy models routinely fail ADHD adults because they assume a neurotypical baseline.

  • Lori trains therapists to adapt Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) specifically for ADHD.
  • She focuses heavily on the sensory profile and neurodivergent needs, reducing heavy homework and eliminating rigid, multi-step processes that overwhelm our working memory.

Episode Chapters

  • 00:00 – Introduction to Masking and Survival
  • 07:32 – The Invisible Wall
  • 12:14 – The Reality of Time Blindness
  • 16:39 – Executive Dysfunction Versus Laziness
  • 19:38 – Modifying DBT for Neurodivergent Minds
  • 36:08 – ADHD as the Diabetes of the Brain

Connect With Lori Glenn

Lori and her team at Calming Minds Therapy and Wellness do incredible work for the neurodivergent community in Ontario. They specialize in ADHD and autism across all ages.

People Also Ask (FAQ)

What is the difference between executive dysfunction and laziness? Laziness is a choice to avoid effort when you are fully capable of performing a task. Executive dysfunction is a neurological barrier. You strongly want to do the task, but your brain fails to initiate the required steps due to dopamine deficiency and structural differences in the prefrontal cortex.

How do you manage time blindness? Externalize your sense of time. Use visual timers, alarms, and audio cues to signal transitions. As Lori suggests, time yourself doing chores you hate. You will likely find unloading the dishwasher takes less than five minutes, which helps negotiate with your brain next time.

Is DBT effective for ADHD? Yes. DBT teaches emotional regulation and distress tolerance, which heavily supports the intense rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and impulsivity commonly found in ADHD profiles.

Try This Today

Pick one chore you consistently avoid because your brain tells you it will take an eternity. Set a timer on your phone and complete the task. Record exactly how long it took. The next time executive paralysis hits, remind your brain of the actual data. Give yourself grace, and remember Lori’s final thought from the episode: “You are good the way you are.”

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional. I am simply a guy sharing my story. Please seek professional help if you are struggling.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky