“You can’t be an introvert. You’re not shy.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone left that comment on one of my videos, I could buy a lifetime supply of cat treats for my two cats, Hamilton and Burr. (Yes, named after those Hamilton and Burr.)
The assumption that introversion equals shyness is so common that even my mom had questions. Recently, while we were talking about one of my podcast episodes, she looked at me and said, “I just don’t get it. You’re not shy at all. How are you an introvert?”
So let’s clear this up together.
The Difference Between Introversion and Shyness
Here’s the truth: introversion and shyness are not the same thing.
Introversion is about how you gain and lose energy. Shyness is about fear of social judgment.
Introverts (like me) feel drained after too much social interaction and recharge best in quiet, low-stimulation environments. Shy people, on the other hand, may avoid social situations because they feel nervous or fear being judged.
According to Dr. Asim Shah from Baylor College of Medicine: “Shyness is a form of anxiety. Introversion is not a form of anxiety.”
That line right there? Game-changer.
Real Talk: I’m Not Shy, I’m Just Done
I love people. I really do. I do stand-up comedy. I perform in musicals. I direct entire theatre productions. I host a podcast where I talk to new people all the time.
But guess what? After those events, I need serious alone time. I’m talking headphones-on, cats-on-my-lap, do-not-disturb energy reset. Because even when I’m enjoying myself, my social battery gets drained quickly.
I don’t avoid people out of fear. I step back because I need to recharge.
Even My Mom Needed an Explanation
When my mom asked me why I keep calling myself an introvert when I’m so “outgoing,” I explained it like this:
“Mom, remember that family BBQ where I disappeared for 30 minutes and you thought I left? I was in the upstairs bedroom, just taking a breather. It wasn’t because I was shy. I just needed to recover from all the small talk.”
She laughed and said, “Okay, that actually makes sense.”
Common Myths About Introverts (That Gotta Go)
Let’s break down some of the biggest misconceptions I hear all the time:
1. All introverts are shy
False. Many introverts are confident, vocal, and socially capable. We just get drained by too much interaction.
2. Introverts hate people
Nope. We just prefer meaningful connections over surface-level small talk. Quality over quantity.
3. Introverts can’t be leaders
Tell that to Bill Gates, Barack Obama, or Emma Watson. Many successful leaders are introverts. We lead with thoughtfulness and intention.
4. Introverts can’t enjoy social events
We can—we just need a break afterwards. (Or five.)
What Being an Introvert Really Looks Like
Everyone experiences introversion differently, but here are some signs that might feel familiar:
- You need alone time to recharge after being social
- You prefer one-on-one convos over group hangouts
- You think before you speak
- You get overstimulated by loud environments
- You enjoy your own company a lot
And yes, you can still be talkative, funny, and love karaoke. Introversion doesn’t cancel out your personality.
5 Key Takeaways
- Introversion is not shyness: One is about energy, the other is about fear.
- You can be social and introverted: They’re not opposites.
- Misconceptions are everywhere: Even loved ones might not fully get it.
- Introverts have social limits: Respecting those limits helps us thrive.
- There’s no one way to be an introvert: We’re not a monolith.
FAQ: Introverts vs Shy Individuals
Q: Can you be an extroverted introvert?
A: You can have traits of both. It’s called being an ambivert. But even social introverts need solo time to reset.
Q: Is being introverted bad?
A: Absolutely not. It’s just a different way of experiencing the world.
Q: Do introverts have social anxiety?
A: Not always. Some do, some don’t. Shyness and introversion are different.
Q: Can introverts be outgoing?
A: 100%. We just recharge differently.
Q: How can I support the introverts in my life?
A: Give them space when they need it. Don’t take it personally if they need alone time.
Final Thoughts
Introversion isn’t about hiding in a corner or avoiding people. It’s about knowing how we gain energy, and what drains us. That’s it.
So the next time someone tells you, “You don’t seem like an introvert,” smile and say, “Thanks! That means I’m managing my energy like a pro.”
You’re not broken. You’re not antisocial. You’re just wired differently. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Have you ever been misunderstood because of your introversion? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
