What happens when you’ve been “performing” your whole life without even realizing it?
That’s the question I sat down to explore with my guest, Kieran Rose, in this week’s episode of The Vibe With Ky Podcast. We went deep into a topic that’s rarely discussed outside of the Autistic community, Autism masking, and what it really means for mental health, identity, and daily life.
You can watch or listen to our full conversation here:
Meet Kieran Rose — The Autistic Advocate
Kieran Rose is a writer, speaker, educator, and researcher who has been shifting the conversation around Autism for years. Through The Autistic Advocate, Kieran has built an incredible platform for education and advocacy. They also run the private Facebook group Autism Late Diagnosis/Self-Identification Support and Education with over 54,000 members, a safe space for people exploring or processing an Autism diagnosis later in life.
Kieran’s work focuses on Autistic identity, masking, burnout, and the damage that comes from a lifetime of being misunderstood.
What Is Autism Masking?
Masking is when an Autistic person hides or changes parts of their natural self to fit into a neurotypical world. It’s a survival strategy, but it can also be exhausting and harmful.
As Kieran put it, masking is “the difference between survival and projecting acceptability.” For some, it’s about staying safe in an environment that isn’t welcoming. For others, it’s about avoiding judgment or exclusion.
Research backs this up, studies have linked masking to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout in Autistic people (source).
The Toll Masking Takes on Mental Health
Kieran shared how masking can erode self-identity over time. If you’re constantly acting in a way that feels unnatural just to be accepted, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are.
They explained that many people who mask heavily end up “living in a constant state of hyper-awareness,” scanning every interaction for social cues to match. Over the years, this can lead to burnout, where even basic daily tasks feel overwhelming.
Why Unmasking Is Complicated
It would be nice if the answer was as simple as “stop masking,” but Kieran stressed that unmasking is a process, not a switch you flip. There are safety concerns, workplace dynamics, family expectations, and years of conditioning to unpack.
Some people might choose to unmask only in certain spaces where they feel safe, like trusted friendships or online communities. Others might begin slowly, practicing stimming or speaking openly about their needs.
The Overlap Between ADHD and Autism
Since I have ADHD myself, we touched on the crossover. Many people have both ADHD and Autism, and the masking experience can be even more layered in those cases. ADHDers may mask their impulsivity or emotional intensity on top of masking Autistic traits.
Kieran and I agreed that one of the most freeing steps is finding people who get it, where you can just be without filtering every move.
Actionable Takeaway
If you think you might be masking, start small:
- Identify one safe person or space where you can let down your guard.
- Notice how your body and mind feel when you do.
- Build on those moments little by little.
Quick Recap of Key Insights from Kieran
- Masking is often a survival strategy, not just social awkwardness.
- Long-term masking can lead to burnout, anxiety, and identity struggles.
- Unmasking safely is a gradual process.
- Community support is essential for authenticity.
- Late diagnosis brings its own challenges and relief.
FAQs
Q. Can masking happen in kids and adults?
A. Yes. Many Autistic people start masking in childhood to fit in at school and carry it into adulthood.
Q. Is masking always harmful?
A. It can be a necessary safety tool in certain environments, but long-term masking without safe spaces can take a toll.
Q. How do I know if I’m masking?
A. Signs include constant social monitoring, exhaustion after interactions, and feeling like you’re playing a role rather than being yourself.
5 Key Takeaways to Remember
- Masking is deeply tied to safety and survival.
- The mental toll is real and supported by research.
- Unmasking is personal and should be done at your own pace.
- Supportive communities can make all the difference.
- You’re not broken for needing to mask—you’re human.
If you’ve been masking, or you’ve just learned the term, I hope this conversation helps you feel seen. You’re not alone in navigating this, and your authentic self deserves space to breathe.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
