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Have you ever sat at your desk staring at an aggressive message from your boss and felt your entire nervous system go into fight or flight mode? It is a terrible, isolating feeling. As someone who navigates ADHD and anxiety, I know that sudden spike of adrenaline all too well. When you are neurodivergent, or when you are simply a human being trying to do a good job, working under a leader who uses fear to control their team does not feel like “paying your dues.” It feels like survival.

That is why I needed to have Kate Lowry back on the podcast. Kate is a CEO coach, a comedian, and the author of the incredible tactical survival guide, Unbreakable. But right now, she is also making history. We recorded this conversation while Kate was actively in the middle of a massive, public lawsuit against a venture capital giant. She was targeted for having mental health disabilities and needing medical leave. Instead of taking a quiet settlement, she chose to speak up, making this only the second employee lawsuit in venture capital history to go public.

Before we get into the heavy stuff, I want to thank our season sponsor, Sucreabeille. They are an incredible indie perfume house based in storytelling, and they helped me create my signature scent, “Why Did I Walk Into This Room?” It features notes of fresh baked cherry pie, light cinnamon, and the absolute acceptance of who you are. It is a gender-neutral love letter to the ADHD community. You can grab a bottle for yourself at https://sucreabeille.com/products/why-did-i-walk-into-this-room.

The Rise of Fear-Based Leadership

We are currently seeing a massive shift in corporate culture. Wealthy, powerful leaders are doubling down on fear-based tactics. Kate points out that we are in a cultural moment where these leaders are essentially saying, “I am smarter, I am richer, so I matter and you don’t.”

It is easy to internalize that message when you are the one relying on them for health insurance and a paycheck. But Kate offered a powerful reframe. She explained that some leaders view their employees as “NPCs” (non-player characters). They do not see you as a human with rights.

“Just because someone says you don’t have human rights doesn’t mean they can take away your rights. And just because someone stomps their feet and goes, I want to matter and you don’t matter, they can’t take away you mattering.” – Kate Lowry

Weaponizing “Fairness” Against Disabilities

One of the most shocking moments of our conversation was when Kate unpacked the logic her former employer used against her. She noted that she was targeted specifically for having mental health disabilities. They essentially told her it was not “fair” to treat her like someone who didn’t need medical leave.

This turns the concept of fairness into a weapon used to punish people for needing accommodations. But Kate completely flipped the script on this idea. She argued that managing a disability does not make you weak; it makes you an elite employee.

“The fact that I have seven or eight doctor appointments every week means that I’m killer at time management. The fact that I’m used to managing a team of 15 doctors means that I am great at stakeholder management. And the fact that I constantly have to triage health issues means that my ability to prioritize is way higher than most executives.” – Kate Lowry

This is not just a positive spin. Research consistently supports the idea that diverse and neurodivergent teams drive innovation and resilience. A recent report from the Harvard Business Review highlights how neurodiversity can be a competitive advantage for companies willing to embrace different ways of thinking (https://hbr.org/2017/05/neurodiversity-as-a-competitive-advantage). When companies push disabled employees out, they are losing their strongest problem solvers.

Somatic Survival: Protecting Your Peace

If you are currently stuck in a toxic job, you cannot always quit tomorrow. You need immediate tools to survive the day. Kate explained that fear-based bosses operate on a completely different radio channel (AM vs. FM). You cannot use open collaboration with them; you have to use de-escalation and self-defense.

When the environment gets overwhelming, Kate recommends focusing heavily on somatic regulation to calm your nervous system.

  • The EMDR Hug: Cross your hands, twist your arms, cross your feet, and take deep breaths. This bilateral stimulation activates both sides of your brain and physicalizes a feeling of safety. (The American Psychological Association recognizes EMDR as an effective treatment for trauma and anxiety: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/eye-movement-reprocessing).
  • Pet Co-Regulation: Humans are meant to co-regulate with other mammals. Laying your head on your dog’s chest or letting your cat purr on your lap acts as a biological weighted blanket. It provides proprioceptive input that tells your body exactly where it is in space, grounding you when the world feels chaotic.

Guest Resources

You can find Kate’s tactical survival guide, Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders, and follow her ongoing work at the links below:

People Also Ask

Q: What is fear-based leadership? A: Fear-based leadership is a management style that relies on intimidation, high control, and threats (like job loss or public humiliation) to drive results. It creates an environment where employees survive rather than thrive, often leading to severe burnout and high turnover.

Q: How do you deal with a toxic boss if you can’t quit? A: If quitting is not an option, focus on what you can control. Document everything, set rigid boundaries around your availability, and shift your communication style from “collaboration” to “de-escalation.” Most importantly, find an external support system to remind you of your worth outside of the office.

Q: Can you get PTSD from a toxic workplace? A: Yes. Prolonged exposure to workplace bullying, gaslighting, and high-stress environments can lead to symptoms consistent with trauma, including severe anxiety, hypervigilance, and depression. Protecting your nervous system is critical.

Try this today: If you are feeling overwhelmed, find one small “glimmer” (the opposite of a trigger). Make your favorite comfort soup, put on a nostalgic TV show, or go cuddle your pet. Remind your body that you are safe in this exact moment.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional. I am just a guy sharing my story. Please seek professional help if you are struggling.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky