After talking about my most recent breakup with a close friend of mine, they said something that stood out to me. They said, “I just don’t think you’re the type of person that wants to be in relationships.”
At first I laughed because on the surface level I was saying to myself, “There ain’t no way that can be true.” But as I continue to process the role in my recent breakup, speaking with my therapist about it, and watching my ex post videos publicly about it, I start to continue to think to myself: “Maybe I’m NOT the relationship type.”
I continue to do research on this ideology and I want to share with you some of the things I discovered about myself.
The first thing I realized is that it’s not necessarily a negative thing to not be the “relationship type”, unless of course you end up hurting someone because of it, which is something that has happened. But as long as you’re not hurting anyone and you’re being up front with them, not being the relationship type is not really a bad thing, even though society might make you believe that it is. I learned that it simply means that priorities are typically different than the people I surround myself with sometimes.
- Whenever I think of my future, I’m typically alone as I go through my adventures.
- I enjoy casual sex and hooking up with someone who is on the same page as me.
- The idea of being committed to one person for the rest of my life makes me uncomfortable.
As I go through this self-awareness journey about how I feel about love and relationships, I start to think about some signs that show very clearly that I’m not the relationship type. I wanna share those with you today. So here are my 5 ways to tell that relationships may not be for you.
1 – My Biggest Priority is Myself
I have a very niche career path that I am on, and I work hard every single day to make those dreams and ambitions come true. I often put my dreams and my ambitions before anything else. I’m realizing that forcing myself to be the relationship-type is unhealthy for me, and it ends up hurting people.
2 – I Prefer To Be By Myself in My Free Time
I don’t have a ton of free time. Free time is a luxury for me when it comes around because I spend almost every minute of my day trying to progress my career forward.
But when I do actually get free time, I prefer to spend it alone.
I’m interacting with people all day, every day. And I’m starting to realize that I want to spend my free time alone, and I want to do it unapologetically.
3 – Compromising is Very Difficult for Me
I think we all know that compromise is required in all relationships. I’ll be honest, I’m not the best at meeting people halfway. It’s not for lack of trying because I really do try. I just fail miserably each time.
In a lot of my previous relationships, there have been many times in which compromise was achieved, but I was burned in the process, and that shit HURT. Because of that, I have shied away from compromise, often because I am afraid I’ll get burned again.
Through therapy, I’ve also learned that this might be because of some trauma I’ve experienced as an adult. Trauma I won’t get into here.
I know what I need to work on. I don’t think this is a permanent thing, but it is something that I currently struggle with.
4 – I’m Not Good at Communicating What I Want & Need
This is a biggie.
After I’ve had time to process my thoughts and feelings, I am very good at communicating my needs. Like right now for instance, I am able to talk confidently about this because all of these words have gone through the curated thought processing grinder.
But IN the moment… IN the middle of a relationship… This is where I struggle. I’ll want to communicate what I feel inside, but I just won’t know how. It’s like having your thoughts and feelings be in Spanish and trying to translate them into English when it’s not your first language.
I end up struggling getting the words out, or even speaking up in the first place… which results in me shutting down or pulling away, trying to learn how to say what I need or how I feel before reaching out.
Additionally, I have this annoying fear of being perceived as needy. I don’t know where that came from, but it’s quite often a feeling that pops into my head to take residence.
5 – I’m the Best Version of Myself When I’m Single
I turn into a different person when I’m in a relationship. I just don’t feel myself. I feel off. I feel dampened. I feel held back. I feel unfunny. I feel boxed in. I feel unsafe. I feel like a stranger took over my body.
I don’t know how else to say it. I just don’t feel like I am the best version of myself when I’m in a relationship. My friends have even told me that, “I’m a better person when I’m single.” I am starting to learn that that might be true.
Maybe I’m Not Built for Relationships at the Moment
Am I swearing off relationships for the rest of my life? No. I’m sure someone will come along that I’ll feel comfortable enough with to give it a try. But before I jump into anything again, I need to make sure that the relationship is actually a high priority. Right now, I just don’t think that’s the case in my life. I don’t want to hurt people as I focus on my own struggles and goals. That’s not fair to them.
I am not ashamed of saying that I shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone. Life is all about finding the things that make you happy. The things that make you feel safe. Right now, the things that make me happy and safe don’t involve romance. And I’m okay with that.
Much love. Good Vibes.
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