Friendship is deeply important to our well-being. It provides mutual acceptance, warmth, and support between people. But if you have ADHD, you know that finding and maintaining these friendships can be a lot harder than it sounds. Let’s talk about why it can be difficult for adults with ADHD to have lasting friendships and how you can manage your symptoms to improve your relationships.
Understanding the Challenges
ADHD symptoms can make it hard to make and maintain friendships. Problems with attention, hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and mood regulation often make it difficult to develop social skills. Sometimes, others might misunderstand your behavior, interpreting your lack of attention as disinterest or your impulsiveness as rudeness.
Common Challenges Include:
Feeling Overwhelmed
- Managing day-to-day tasks can be tough, and friendships can sometimes feel like just another task on your to-do list. This might make you feel overwhelmed, leading friends to think you don’t care about them.
Getting Bored
- People with ADHD often crave novelty and might find it hard to stay engaged with friends over time. This can make you seem inconsistent or uninterested.
Being Inconsistent
- One day, you might be super enthusiastic about hanging out, and the next, you might seem distant. This erratic behavior can confuse friends.
Poor Memory
- Forgetting important details about your friends’ lives can make them feel undervalued, affecting the depth of your relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
- ADHD is linked with low self-esteem, making it harder to confidently engage with new people and maintain friendships.
Anxiety and Depression
- Many people with ADHD also cope with anxiety and depression, which can add strain to relationships if friends don’t understand what you’re going through.
Improving Friendships When You Have ADHD
So, how can you manage these challenges and be the best friend you can be? Here are some tips that have helped me, and I hope they will help you too.
Be Aware
The first step is awareness. Monitor your behavior in social interactions. Are you truly listening to your friends, or are you waiting for your turn to speak? Make a commitment to be a good listener. Hyperfocus on this for a month. It can make a huge difference.
Repeat It Back
If you’re talking to one person, occasionally repeat back what you heard them say. This shows that you’re paying attention and value what they’re sharing. It can also help improve your memory and understanding of their concerns.
Don’t Interrupt
Interrupting can be a common issue for people with ADHD. When you feel the urge to interrupt, take a deep breath, or take a sip of water. If you do interrupt, apologize and encourage the person to continue speaking.
Stick to the Topic
If you tend to go off on tangents, make an effort to stay on topic. People appreciate it when you stay focused on the conversation at hand, especially if it’s something important to them.
Know What Your Friendships Mean to You
Reflect on how much you value your friendships and what you’re willing to do to maintain them. Good friendships take nurturing and care. When you have a choice between doing something alone and spending time with a friend, consider the long-term benefits of nurturing your friendship.
My Friends
My best friends Jazzie, Hopps, and Nikki A. have been incredibly supportive as I navigate life with ADHD. I make it a point to manage my ADHD in a healthy way so I can be the best friend I can be. For instance, I use reminders and digital calendars to keep track of important dates and events in their lives. I also make sure to communicate openly about my ADHD, helping them understand my behaviors and needs.
When we make plans, I set reminders on my phone so I don’t forget. If I feel overwhelmed or need a break, I let them know instead of just disappearing. This honesty has strengthened our friendships, making them more resilient.
Actionable Tips
Here are some actionable tips you can take away:
- Set Reminders – Use digital tools to remind you of important dates and to check in with friends.
- Communicate Openly – Share your ADHD challenges with your close friends so they understand your behavior.
- Be Present – Practice being a good listener and staying engaged in conversations.
- Follow Through – Make an effort to keep commitments and show up when you say you will.
- Self-Care – Prioritize your mental health and seek professional help if needed.
FAQs
1. How does ADHD affect friendships?
ADHD can make it hard to focus, remember details, and be consistent, which can strain friendships.
2. Can people with ADHD have lasting friendships?
Yes, with awareness and effort, people with ADHD can have strong, lasting friendships.
3. How can I explain my ADHD to my friends?
Be open and honest about your challenges and how they affect your behavior. This can help your friends understand and support you better.
4. What can I do if I forget important details about my friends?
Use notes and reminders to keep track of important information about your friends. Review these notes before meeting up.
5. How can I improve my listening skills?
Practice active listening by focusing on what the other person is saying, repeating back key points, and avoiding interruptions.
Conclusion
Maintaining friendships with ADHD can be challenging, but with awareness and effort, it’s entirely possible. Reflect on the value of your friendships, communicate openly, and use tools to help you stay organized. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey.
For more tips and resources, visit my Mental Health Resources Hub, download The ADHD Focus Formula and The Introvert’s Escape Plan, listen to The Vibe With Ky Podcast, join my email list, and subscribe to my Facebook page or Instagram channel for exclusive, special mental health content.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
