Have you ever walked into a room, smiled like everything was fine, and spent the next hour pretending you weren’t completely overwhelmed? That was me for years. Smiling. Nodding. Overcompensating. Hiding.
I didn’t even know I was masking my ADHD. I just thought I was trying to “act right.” But the truth? It was slowly burning me out.
Today, I want to talk about ADHD masking—why we do it, how it shows up, what it costs us, and how to manage it without losing ourselves in the process.
What Is ADHD Masking?
ADHD masking is when we hide or suppress our symptoms to appear more “normal.” It might mean mimicking other people’s behaviors, over-preparing for conversations, or avoiding social situations entirely.
It’s not just a quirk. It’s survival.
We do it to fit in. To avoid judgment. To keep our jobs. To feel like we belong.
But masking comes at a price. A big one.
My Story: Masking Until I Crashed
Before I was officially diagnosed with ADHD at age 35, I lived in a constant state of self-correction. I faked focus in meetings while my mind raced. I wrote to-do lists just to feel like I was in control. I canceled plans if I knew I might be late because I couldn’t handle the shame of showing up “flaky.”
I looked organized. I looked calm. I looked like I had it all together.
Behind the scenes? Total chaos.
It wasn’t until my therapist pointed it out that I realized how much energy I spent performing. I wasn’t managing my ADHD. I was hiding it.
And that hiding was eating away at me.
Why We Mask Our ADHD Symptoms
Everyone’s reason is different, but here are a few common ones:
- To avoid stigma: ADHD is still misunderstood. Masking keeps us from being labeled lazy, scattered, or incapable.
- For social acceptance: We want people to like us. We want to feel included.
- To succeed professionally: We fear being seen as unreliable or “too much.”
- Because we were never diagnosed: Especially for women and BIPOC individuals, masking becomes a coping mechanism before we even realize what ADHD is.
What ADHD Masking Looks Like
Here are a few examples I’ve personally experienced or heard from my community:
- Fidgeting under the table instead of stimming openly
- Writing ultra-detailed scripts for small talk
- Triple-checking an email for errors because you’re scared of seeming careless
- Overcommitting because saying “no” feels like letting people down
- Hiding messy rooms during Zoom calls so no one sees the real chaos
Sound familiar?
The Cost of Constant Masking
ADHD masking is exhausting. Emotionally, mentally, even physically. Here’s what it led to for me:
- Burnout: Pretending to be someone else 24/7? It’s draining.
- Anxiety: I was constantly worried someone would “see through me.”
- Low self-worth: I started believing the masked version of me was the only version that people could love or respect.
I lost track of who I was because I was so busy performing who I thought I should be.
How I Learned to Mask in a Healthier Way
Let’s be real: some level of masking is part of life. We all filter ourselves to some extent.
But there’s a difference between adjusting to a situation and denying your reality.
Here’s what helped me find that balance:
1. Self-Awareness
I started noticing when and where I masked the most. Social events. Work meetings. Group texts. Then I asked myself: What am I trying to hide? And why?
2. Therapy
My therapist helped me recognize which behaviors were helpful strategies and which were harmful masking. (Pro tip: If you’re looking for a starting place, my ADHD guidebook for adults breaks this down in a really accessible way.)
3. Supportive People
I started surrounding myself with people who get it. People who embrace the chaos, not just the curated version of me.
4. Permission to Be Real
This was the hardest part. Giving myself permission to stim. To say, “Hey, I’m struggling today.” To show up imperfectly. But once I did? Game-changer.
5 Things to Remember
- ADHD masking is about survival, not weakness.
- You don’t have to be “on” all the time.
- Not everyone deserves the unfiltered version of you, but you do.
- Self-awareness is key to healthy masking.
- You can be professional and still honor your brain.
FAQ: ADHD Masking
Q: Is masking the same as coping?
A: Not always. Coping helps you thrive. Masking often hides your struggles at your own expense.
Q: Is it possible to stop masking completely?
A: It depends on the situation. The goal isn’t zero masking—it’s conscious masking that doesn’t harm your mental health.
Q: How do I know if I’m masking?
A: If you feel emotionally drained after social interaction or find yourself performing to fit in, you might be masking.
Q: What should I do if I realize I’m masking too much?
A: Start by observing your patterns, talk to a therapist, and build a support system where you can unmask safely.
Final Thoughts
Masking used to be my armor. But now, I choose when to wear it. On my terms. In ways that protect my peace instead of draining it.
If you’ve been masking your ADHD to survive, I see you. I’ve been you. And I want you to know: You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re adapting.
Just don’t forget that you deserve to be seen, not just tolerated.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
