Do you ever leave work feeling heavier than when you arrived, even on the days when nothing big happened? I have felt this across multiple seasons of my career. During my conversation with Kate Lowry on The Vibe With Ky Podcast, we talked about how fear based leadership shapes the way you think, feel, and show up at work. We also talked about why this pattern is more common than people think and how people gain strength even when they feel stuck.

In this blog, I want to share the most helpful lessons from my talk with Kate. My hope is that you walk away with tools you can use and a little more peace in your day.

Who Kate Lowry Is and Why Her Work Matters

Kate Lowry is a CEO coach and a venture capitalist. She works with founders, leaders, and teams across tech and startup spaces. Her background spans McKinsey, Meta, private equity, and multiple founder roles. Kate also grew up with fear based behavior in her household, which shaped her understanding of how these patterns form.

Her book Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear Based Leaders gives people a framework for staying steady and safe in difficult workplaces.

What Makes a Fear Based Leader

Kate explained the core pattern in a simple way during the episode. She said fear based leaders operate from their own fear. She said they often ask themselves internal questions about being enough or being liked. She said this fear pushes them toward control, domination, and pressure.

People know they are dealing with this pattern when they feel they must walk lightly around a leader. Kate said it shows up through embarrassment, unpredictable reactions, or pressure to comply.

During our talk she said, “If they feel like they have to walk on eggshells, if they can never say the right thing, if they see people in the workplace being shamed… you are probably around a fear based leader.”

Why This Pattern Is Growing

I asked Kate if this leadership style is more common today. She said it is rising across industries. She said she sees about seven out of ten leaders using this style in her recent work.

She shared how pressure from business culture, social influence, and fear of falling behind pushes leaders toward intimidation. She also shared how some high profile figures model this pattern. Kate said leaders feel pressure to match that tone.

Kate said, “There is more permission to be this way.”

The Mental Health Toll

I opened up about my past experience under a leader who built everything on fear and money. During the episode transcript I said, “I was gaining weight, my skin did not look great, I was tired.” I wanted people to know the physical side of stress is real.

Kate explained how people take on shame under this pattern. She said guilt becomes shame when people start thinking they are the problem. She said people hear things like “you are nothing without me” and absorb those messages over time.

She said a major sign of harm is when someone starts to think “I am bad” instead of “I made a mistake.”

Healthy Pressure Versus Harm

Kate described healthy pressure in clear terms. Healthy pressure supports growth. Fear based pressure creates panic.

She said supportive leaders stay close and encourage progress. Fear based leaders push people into pressure without support. She said workplaces built on fear lack space for mistakes, creativity, or new ideas.

When You Cannot Leave Your Job

A lot of listeners reach out to me about this. Leaving a harmful workplace is not always possible. Bills, kids, health, insurance, and life responsibilities impact every decision.

Kate said the first step is shifting perspective. She said fear based leaders struggle socially and personally. She said this reveals the limits of their power.

She told me during the episode, “If you come into work every day and say, oh, wow, I have this really emotionally stunted boss, it removes their power over you.”

That line hit me because I have felt that shift myself.

Finding Agency Even With a Fear Based Boss

Kate teaches people to see options again. She said fear based leaders try to create blinders. Her coaching helps people see more than one choice.

She said, “You have choices in how you present. You have choices in how you respond. You have choices in how you strategize.”

This helps people find control in the middle of pressure.

A Tool You Use Today

Here is one simple step from my conversation with Kate.

Write down five things that bring you joy. Pick one to do today after work. Kate said joy replenishes the parts of you a fear based environment drains. She said these small moments build resilience and remind you of your identity.

Key Points From the Episode

  • Fear based leaders operate from their own fear
  • People feel unsure, pressured, or embarrassed around them
  • This pattern harms mental and physical health
  • Healthy pressure supports you
  • There are always choices to regain agency
  • Joy strengthens you
  • Leaders in middle management protect their teams through clarity, listening, and calm action
  • Kate’s book gives practical steps for safety and strength

A Quick Reminder

I am not a licensed mental health professional. I share my lived experience and what I learn from others. If your mental health feels at risk, talk with a qualified professional.

Closing Thoughts

I want you to walk away from this blog with one message. You hold more strength than fear based leaders want you to believe. You hold more choices than the workplace suggests. You can stay grounded through simple actions, new skills, and boundaries that support your wellbeing.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky