Do you ever feel like you are constantly performing at work? You smile when you want to scream. You say yes when you mean no. You work late because you are terrified that if you stop for one second people will realize you have no idea what you are doing.

We call this “professionalism.” But what if it is actually just a trauma response?

In this episode of The Vibe With Ky Podcast I sit down with Sue Heilbronner. Sue is a former federal prosecutor turned tech CEO turned executive coach. She works with leaders at companies like Facebook and Salesforce to help them break the unconscious patterns that drive burnout and imposter syndrome.

Sue introduced me to a concept that completely changed how I view my own career. She calls it Passionate Ambivalence.

If you are tired of attaching your self-worth to every email and meeting this conversation will give you the permission slip you need to let go.

Listen to the full episode here:

Meet Sue Heilbronner

Sue Heilbronner is the author of the new book Never Ask for the Sale. She is a sought-after speaker and Conscious Leadership coach who helps high performers get out of their own way. Her approach is direct and irreverent but deeply compassionate. She believes that we are all more effective when we stop trying to be perfect and start being real.

You can connect with Sue and grab her book here:

Defining Passionate Ambivalence

The core of our conversation revolved around this idea of being “passionately ambivalent.” At first glance those two words seem like opposites. How can you be passionate and ambivalent at the same time?

“Passionate ambivalence is this idea of caring deeply about the work you do… but being completely unattached to the outcome.”

For those of us with rejection sensitivity this concept is revolutionary. We often think that caring means worrying. We think that if we are not stressed about the result we must not care enough about the project.

Sue argues the opposite. When you attach your worth to the outcome you become rigid and fearful. When you detach from the outcome you become creative and free. You can do your best work because you are not paralyzed by the fear of failure.

The Unconscious Contracts We Make

One of the most eye-opening parts of the episode was discussing the hidden agreements we make with ourselves. Sue calls these “unconscious commitments.” These are the rules we follow without even realizing it.

“We have these unconscious commitments… ‘I commit to not looking stupid.’ ‘I commit to being right.’ And these contracts run our lives until we spot them.”

Think about your own work life. Do you have a contract that says “I must always be available”? Do you have a contract that says “I must make everyone happy”? These invisible rules are exhausting. They drain your energy because you are constantly monitoring yourself to ensure you do not break the contract.

Sue encourages us to bring these commitments into the light. Once you see the contract you can decide if you want to keep it or tear it up.

Finding Your Zone of Genius

We spend so much time trying to fix our weaknesses. We take courses to improve skills we hate using. Sue suggests a different approach. She believes we should focus entirely on our “Zone of Genius.”

“We spend so much time trying to fix our weaknesses instead of leaning into our zone of genius. That’s where the magic happens.”

Your Zone of Genius is the place where time disappears. It is the work you do that feels effortless to you but looks like magic to everyone else. When you operate in this zone you are energized rather than drained.

Identifying this zone is critical for avoiding burnout. If you spend 90% of your day doing things you are merely “competent” at you will end the day exhausted. If you spend your day in your genius zone you will end the day fulfilled.

The Power of “I Don’t Know”

Leaders are often taught that they must have all the answers. Admitting ignorance feels like weakness. Sue flips this script completely.

“The most powerful thing a leader can say is ‘I don’t know.’ It invites collaboration and builds trust instantly.”

When a leader admits they do not know the answer it signals safety to the team. It says “We are figuring this out together.” It removes the pressure for everyone else to be perfect. This vulnerability builds a culture of trust where people feel safe to experiment and fail which is the only way innovation happens.

Clean Agreements vs Drama

Finally we talked about communication. Sue believes that most workplace drama comes from “messy agreements.”

“Most drama comes from messy agreements. We think we agreed on something, but we didn’t. A clean agreement has a who, what, by when.”

How often have you left a meeting thinking someone else was handling a task only to find out weeks later it never got done? That is a messy agreement. A clean agreement leaves no room for ambiguity. It requires clear communication about expectations and deadlines.

This sounds simple but it saves an immense amount of emotional energy. When agreements are clean you do not have to waste time wondering or worrying. You can just do the work.

Conclusion

Leadership is not about having all the answers or grinding until you collapse. It is about knowing yourself. It is about understanding your own patterns and choosing to operate from a place of authenticity rather than fear.

Start looking for those unconscious contracts today. You might be surprised at how many rules you are following that you never actually agreed to.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky

Disclaimer: Kyrus Keenan Westcott is not a licensed mental health professional. The content in this blog is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Please consult with a qualified professional for any medical or mental health advice.