Managing ADHD After a Late Diagnosis: Traci Neal’s Journey

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (00:00)
Hello, my friends. Welcome to another episode of the Vibe with Kai podcast. It’s your boy Kai. In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into a topic that so many of us can relate to managing ADHD, especially when you didn’t get diagnosed until later in life. I’m one of those people I got diagnosed when I was 36, like 35, 36 years old. So this is a conversation that I’m excited to have. Joining me today is the incredible Tracy Neal.

a Christian spoken word artist who’s using her voice to inspire others and bring awareness to nonprofits worldwide. She’s not just a poet, she’s a powerhouse. She’s mentoring youth in South Carolina to hosting spoken word showcases. Tracy is seriously lighting up the stages and lighting up people’s hearts everywhere that she goes. Diagnosed with autism and ADHD as an adult, Tracy’s journey is proof that it’s never, ever, ever too late to understand yourself.

and find your voice. With that said, want to welcome my guest Tracy Neal. How are you?

Traci Neal (01:01)
Great, thank you so much for having me.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (01:03)
Yeah,

absolutely. I’m really excited to have this conversation and to introduce you to my audience. I always love having these conversations because it truly does help people understand that they’re not alone in their journey. Because I know a lot of times we definitely feel alone when this comes along. So I want to, everybody gets to know you a little bit. Can you share a little bit about your journey and how faith has influenced your work?

Traci Neal (01:33)
Yes, so basically my journey, I like to sell people, I started from humble beginnings. I was a pre-K aid five years ago now and I got started with poetry at a young age. My mom actually took me to my first open mic at 14 and it was very interesting. I was the youngest in this room with these college students and adults and I had like my book of

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (01:39)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Traci Neal (02:03)
poems, my folder of poems, and my mom was like, you should go up there and read a poem. And so I went up there, but I didn’t read. I actually performed. And so she kind of planted that seed that you should be doing this. But it wouldn’t be until I realized later on in life that I have to follow my dreams because at first I was going to be a teacher. That was my goal, that I wanted to be a teacher.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (02:28)
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Traci Neal (02:30)
I tell people

whatever is meant for you is gonna be for you. My dad was actually a retired teacher, same high school, over 40 years. That was meant for him. Yes. It was meant for him. But I believe poetry was meant for me. And so even though I was, you know, trying very hard to be certified, never happened, but poetry was always in my heart. And my faith is tied into that because I…

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (02:33)
Yeah.

Amazing. Shout out to all the teachers. Shout out to all the teachers out there. Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Traci Neal (02:59)
I used poetry as an outlet, you know, cause I dealt with low self-esteem, you know, growing up. mind you, I’m a late diagnosis of autism-negative HD. So I needed something, you know, to inspire me to keep going because I was dealing with a lot of emotional issues and things. And so I relied heavily on my faith and the poetry. And so it just tied in together and it’s been, you said.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (03:04)
Right. Yeah.

Right, right.

Right.

Yeah, it seems to

work perfectly, right? It just seems to fit sometimes, which is a really good thing. so, as a creative person, do you find that it works the other way as well? Do you find that your autism and ADHD influence your poetry and your creative process overall?

Traci Neal (03:42)
Yes, I want to talk about focus on my ADHD, but honestly people are people are very fascinated with my autism because I actually am what people would consider level two. I have a very simple mind like a child, but I tie in my faith because I basically rely on God for everything.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (03:43)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

Traci Neal (04:04)
Like I need him to function. So, so,

so it’s like, tell people, God gives me the words, I just share the message. And I have to say that because, you know, people will read the poems and they’re like, this is really deep, but I’m not deep. I’m not deep. So don’t ask me what it was like.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (04:11)
Mm-hmm.

I think I feel like you’re deeper than you’re real

than you realize you might be deeper than you realize you know you know I think I think it just shows that people relate to what you’re to what you’re saying you know they’re like I never thought of it that way you know like that’s a that’s a really good thing that’s a good thing

Traci Neal (04:39)
I’m glad we’re having this discussion because I’m gonna tell y’all how simple I am. My husband and my sister have told me what this word means, but in my head, this is what I interpret. Homely, I always think of homeless. Like that’s…

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (04:40)
Hahaha

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Homely. no.

That’s fair. That’s fair. Cause I was like, homely right now. am, you know? I get it though. I understand. I understand. So.

Traci Neal (05:12)
And that’s why with me and kids, they would be like, I work with kids a lot, y’all, know, more than the poetry. So they would be like, you don’t act like the average adult. And I didn’t know why. Now I know why.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (05:14)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, now

you know what, so walk me through like a typical day for you, like when it comes to balancing, know, being a poet, being an advocate, managing your ADHD, walk me through a typical day for you.

Traci Neal (05:41)
A typical day for me is balance because I tell people, know, you can’t overdo it. You can only do so much. And oftentimes people try to extend themselves and they get burnt out. Like that’s term you hear a lot now, but I’m burnt out. I’m stressed and stuff. Well, for me, I have learned the power of no.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (05:45)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Yes, I’m a big advocate for no. Big advocate, yes.

Traci Neal (06:13)
So I don’t say yes to everything. I don’t try to overwork myself. I do what I can and what I can’t, I just have to say no to. So, you know, I have that balance. Like I’ll do the work that I need to do that’s not gonna cause me stress and then I’ll take a break. I am big on breaks and I am big on taking a nap. Sometimes you gotta take a nap.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (06:15)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. don’t be ashamed of that. Listen,

I used to hate naps and now whenever I get a chance to nap, man, I’m the happiest man on this planet. Happiest man on this planet. I love it. I love it. You know, one of the things that you had meant, you mentioned feeling like a little different like growing up and like looking back, like after your late diagnosis of ADHD, looking back.

when you were younger, do you like see the signs now? did, the, were the signs always there as you look back? How do you, like, how do you feel when you look back at your life?

Traci Neal (07:08)
The signs were there definitely from my autism because I knew I thought differently. ADHD though, I tell people, I actually got diagnosed by a psychologist, but it was originally for autism, but she tested me for ADHD. And so when she told me I had ADHD, I was like, like it was a shocker for me. Cause I was just like, I just thought I had a lot of energy. I thought I had a lot of energy, that’s all.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (07:11)
Mm-hmm.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you have like a range of like emotions that like after you got that ADHD diagnosis, I know you had mentioned shock. Did you go like through like a whole roller coaster of emotions? Were you ever sad or mad or excited or scared? Like what was the range of emotions you felt?

Traci Neal (07:56)
It was a sense of relief, but it was also like, okay, I need to accept myself. Like I need to unmask because, know, I tell people like, especially in the black community, kudos to you, Kai, because talk about ADHD, talk about autism for us. I mean, I grew up, I grew up in the 90s y’all and like, you didn’t talk about stuff like this.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (07:58)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, it’s not. I’m with you. I’m with you. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, I tell people all the time I grew up growing up, I looked up to three people three types of people I looked up to athletes, hip hop and R &B artists and my dad, right? None of whom were talking about mental health. Like none of them were talking about it just wasn’t a conversation that we had. And even to this day at wallet has gotten better. There’s like

Like I’m a content creator, but like there’s not many black content creators, especially male that are talking about their mental health. It’s just not a thing. I, like, I take this, I take this as a responsibility and I take it very seriously because I I’m like, man, I hope I can open up eyes, you know, and hopefully help people understand what we go through with our ADHD. Cause it’s not easy.

Traci Neal (09:09)
And definitely for me, like I tell people I can go times 10 with my emotions. And so like when I get mad, I get really mad. When I get happy, I’m really happy. And like, people don’t understand that that’s that can be draining. That can be, you know, stressful. So it’s like you have to find the balance. And that’s why I tell people, you know, you need an outlet. And so for me, especially like as a black woman, I tell people seek.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (09:15)
Yeah. Right, right, right. Right.

Yes, exhausting.

Mm-hmm.

Traci Neal (09:39)
help. You know, if that means you you get going to therapy, whatever have you if you feel like, okay, I think differently, I act differently. What is this seek help? We got to stop this, you know, feeling like, okay, strong black woman, I can handle it. No, you can’t. And, and I want to like, add on to that because sometimes with you know, having mental conditions,

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (09:40)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Break that stigma. Gotta break that stigma.

Traci Neal (10:09)
you get abused. So I dealt with trauma when I was in my teenage years and at 20. So I’m gonna focus on 20. At 20, I was sexually abused on my college campus that I was attending. So my body went into shock, y’all. Like I said, with the ADHD, it’s like, what’s going on? Why am I feeling like this type thing?

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (10:10)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m so sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Traci Neal (10:38)
And I remember guys I dated, told that this happened to me. But this one guy that I dated, he ended up dying from a brain injury. But I’m grateful for him though. But because when I told him that I, know, this happened to me, he told me, you need to get help. You need to seek help. And I am so grateful for that. So I ended up

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (10:48)
wow.

Traci Neal (11:08)
while we were dating, doing a sexual trauma program. And after he had died, I told the counselor, said, I’m gonna continue for him because he had enough courage to tell me something that really benefited me. And I learned a lot from it. And that’s why I tell people, I’ll advocate whatever you need. You need to seek that help.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (11:12)
wow.

Traci Neal (11:34)
don’t feel like you have to go in Lone Ranger because even with me being able to talk about my traumas and not, huh, huh, huh, you know, some people are like, like, how can you say you had these traumas and you’re calm, but like that, really helped, you know, me center my emotions and learn different strategies, coping mechanisms, my triggers, like all of that, like you need that perspective.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (11:41)
Sure, yeah, yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Right, right. I’m pretty sure that they’re, cause my audience is mostly women. It’s people that identify as women. So it’s about like, literally like 85 to 15%. And I know a lot of them are listening to you right now. Thank you for sharing that story because I know that a lot of them are listening to you right now that are nodding their heads and just like, I’ve been through that. I know that feeling, you know.

For them, for the ones that are listening right now that want to get to the point where you are now, where you’re able to speak comfortably, where you’re able to process these traumas in the way that you do, if they’re looking to get there, what would you say to them that are listening right now? What words would you say?

Traci Neal (12:51)
You have to be willing to take the first step and just like we go on Google and search for things and look for things that are no benefit to us, you need to do that same thing for something that’s gonna impact your life for the better.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (13:07)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. Especially, I want you, if you can, to talk about black women in this case, because again, there’s not many advocates out there that are black, let alone black women. I think I saw a statistic, even when it comes to mental health professionals, I saw a statistic that said on psychology.com,

out of all of the registered therapists on psychology.com, think it’s like maybe like 70 to 80 % are white, right? Very small percentage are non-white, let alone black, especially black women in the mental health professional world. How does that make you feel that there’s not a lot of advocates out there

and there’s not a lot of mental health professionals out there. How does that make you feel and what do think we could do about it?

Traci Neal (14:14)
It’s disheartening. Like it’s always gonna be, you know, sad, but at the same time, I think it takes people being willing to, you know, have these conversations, you know, that vulnerability in order to break the stigma. Because if no one sees somebody willing to put themselves out there, nobody wants to be first. You hear that? Nobody wants to be first.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (14:25)
Yeah.

It’s hard. It’s tough. It’s

Yeah Yeah, yeah

Traci Neal (14:40)
It’s like you’re out there, Lone Ranger, like what’s gonna happen? So somebody willing

to put themselves out there, I think that kind of breaks the ice, just like what we’re doing right now. It’s gonna break the ice and I’m seeing some changes because like I said, just being willing to share my story and be vulnerable and not care because I mean, people are gonna talk regardless. Give them something to talk about. Give them something to talk about.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (14:50)
Yeah, right.

Yeah, right. They’re talk regardless. Yes. You know, and absolutely.

And that’s why I applaud your strength because it takes a lot of courage to do what you do. And Lord knows how many people you’ve helped just by, you know, getting up on stage or sharing your story. Who knows how many people you just helped just now, you know, talking about this. It’s really important. You had mentioned earlier about, you know,

finding like coping strategies and ways to process all of these things. Are there any strategies or tools that you found most helpful in managing your ADHD?

Traci Neal (15:42)
Yes, as I said, you gotta find that positive outlet. For some people could be journaling. I journal. But I also, you know, I like to tell people I go to my happy place. So for me, my happy place is going to, I can’t lie, Barnes and Noble. They have this kids section with a bunch of toys and stuffed animals and I’m in my own happy world. I told y’all, I gave y’all four warning.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (15:47)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, yeah. Listen, listen, find that happy place.

Listen, find that happy place. There’s no shame. There’s no shame in that.

Traci Neal (16:19)
I’ll be sitting

there with these kids y’all and playing with the Legos and I remember this one little boy was like, you playing with the

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (16:23)
Are they looking at you like, what is this woman doing?

You’re like, Ashura, you want to play too? Come on, come on over. That’s hilarious. But like, I think sometimes we overlook the simplicity of life and we overlook those joyous moments. We overlook those fun things because there’s so much happening around us. There’s so much going on. There’s so many…

big picture type of things happen that we sometimes never even get to enjoy the little small things, the small moments that bring us joy, that bring us to that happy place. So I think it’s important that you find that. And I’m glad that you did. I hope whoever’s listening right now, like, listen, find your happy place. It could be at Barnes and Noble. It could be at the movies. It could be at home with your cats. Like it could be whatever it is, as long as you identify what that place is.

for you, it doesn’t even have to be like a physical place. It can even be a mental place that you find yourself in. That could be really, really helpful. One of the things that I read about you that I thought was really interesting, you’ve spoken about learning through repetition and consistency, which I think is great. How do those approaches help you manage your ADHD?

Traci Neal (17:46)
when it’s consistent, it helps me be disciplined. And I’m very grateful for how I grew up because my dad being a teacher, he was very repetitious and not even knowing that he was really helping me because that’s how I learned. And so once I hit middle school and high school, I had to incorporate my own repetition because they weren’t repeating stuff and I’m like…

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (17:51)
Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Hahaha!

Traci Neal (18:18)
but I forgot about it.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (18:20)
And that’s what that’s, I’m glad you said it, cause I don’t think people realize how much extra we have to work to understand things sometimes. Like, cause you can’t, you can’t see it sometimes. Like when we’re younger, sometimes it’s a little bit more clear physically, but like sometimes like the, things that you mentioned, you can’t see it happening, but it’s definitely happening for us up here. And we have to work two, three, four times as hard to understand the most simple of things.

sometimes. And that’s exhausting. It’s exhausting. how like, how at the end of the day, how exhausted do you feel if you feel like you’re not having like a good day from an ADHD perspective?

Traci Neal (18:52)
Yes it is.

Once my head hit the pillow, that’s it.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (19:07)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. I think that I love that you’re a creative person because I feel like some of the most creative people that I know in my life have it each day. think like I feel like that’s the key. I feel like that’s like a nice little entryway to creativity. You know, like I think that’s really like because the Lord knows I use it to my advantage and like things.

Traci Neal (19:11)
Yes.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (19:36)
I don’t know, I just find myself more creative. Are you one of those people that’s more creative during the day or at night?

Traci Neal (19:43)
It doesn’t matter.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (19:45)
Yeah, you’re like, I’m creative all day. That’s

funny. Are there any misconceptions about ADHD that you find that you’re like, wait, no, no, no, no, let me let me correct.

Traci Neal (20:00)
I was told by my psychologist that she had never seen anything like this, you know, with me because I’m very focused. But that’s how I was raised. So, you know, it just depends on a person’s environment, like, and by any means, you know, I know some people are on medica- I’m not on medication. I’m not gonna knock somebody that is. But like, like that’s how I was raised, you know, I was raised to be very focused. I was raised like-

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (20:07)
Yeah. Right,

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Traci Neal (20:29)
to honestly behave.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (20:30)
Yeah.

Traci Neal (20:32)
So you know when I tell people, yeah I masked for 34 years. I told them on Newsweek, I was like I masked for 34 years and they like they didn’t see your ADHD. Oh no honey, because when I’m in class you know I’m not gonna have my mom or my daddy you know coming up to the school telling me what my child did like they’re not taking my side if I’m misbehaving so yeah.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (20:36)
Yeah.

Hahaha

You’re like, no. Right, right.

That’s funny. Do you find as an adult, like with the late ADHD diagnosis and now that some time has gone by, has it gotten easier to manage or is it still kind of like a big difficulty for you throughout your day?

Traci Neal (21:10)
It’s not hard to manage because I guess for me, I don’t hide it as much. You know, I’ve grown it.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (21:12)
Yeah.

Sure, sure,

yeah, sure, yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Traci Neal (21:19)
But I grow down like

it’s like you take you take this energy or not, you know I’m not gonna be obnoxious about it, but you know, I’m not gonna have my energy like my bubbliness

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (21:24)
Mm-hmm, right, right.

Right,

right, right. What is the reaction from the community been? Because since you are such a outspoken person about ADHD, and like we were talking about earlier, there is a stigma, especially in the black community when it comes to mental health. From your experience, what has the, I guess, reaction been to your mental health journey that you share with everybody?

Traci Neal (21:59)
think some people don’t like that I embrace it. You know, but people embrace other things. So why can’t I embrace, you know, what I was born with? I just, that’s just how I think, you know, I’m simple. So I’m like, you know, make it make sense. If I’m not hurting anyone, I’m not doing anybody harm, like what’s the big deal? And if I’m spreading joy, because like for real, for real, I don’t know about you, but.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (22:02)
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Right.

Right.

Traci Neal (22:28)
A lot of when I go out, people looking like they going through. So I’m that one that’s smiling like…

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (22:32)
Yes.

Yeah. I’m a big proponent. think moods are contagious. know, so like if I’m ever walking down the street and you just exude that energy towards me, I will happily just accept it. Even if I don’t know who you are, just like, I’ll take that energy. Thank you. Let’s go play with Legos and Barnes and Noble. Like, okay, yeah, sure. All right, whatever.

Traci Neal (23:01)
and their parents just go with it.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (23:07)
That’s funny. So like I guess to if you don’t mind just giving some words of wisdom to the people out there Who are who have a late diagnosis ad late ad diagnosis or Might be on the cusp of getting one or they’re older and they think they you know might have it So they might be you know taking the first step towards you know

potentially getting clinically diagnosed, what words of wisdom would you have for the adults out there that are finally taking their ADHD journey?

Traci Neal (23:49)
Be willing to be open to growing.

with what you learn, whatever that looks like. Because for me, like I said, I originally went in for autism and I didn’t know that I had ADHD too. So you have to be willing to be open to what you might have. And it’s okay. I will say that also, that you are enough. So whatever you have, it’s okay. Like, you’re you.

That’s how you were wired. And the more you learn about yourself, that’s what I said about being open, like get to know, you know, your traits, get to know, you know, what this is that you have and to better understand it. Because when you understand yourself, you’re not going to let people misuse you. You’re not going to let people mistreat you. And that’s what I struggled with, you know, growing up is to having that low self-esteem because I didn’t understand who I really was.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (24:45)
Yes.

Mmm.

Traci Neal (24:53)
But

once I understood myself, then I can advocate. I can’t advocate for myself if I don’t know what I have or who I am. So by knowing who I am, like, hold up. I know what you’re doing with my mind, because I know what I have. I know these emotions that I’m feeling, because I know what I have. You’re not going to do that. So then you can really show yourself. We’re big now about self-care and self-love. Well, you’re not loving yourself.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (24:59)
True.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Traci Neal (25:19)
just by taking the negativity that other people are telling you. You gotta know for you.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (25:24)
Right.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Look, like preach. Come on now. Come on now. I thought it was Sunday for a second. was like, what day of the week? What day of week is this right now? I was like, what is this coming over my body right now? What is this? What’s going on?

Traci Neal (25:42)
I’m telling y’all that’s divine, that ain’t me. I’m just a spokesperson.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (25:54)
I like honestly, Tracy, I appreciate you and your insight. There might be people that are listening right now that, you know, might want to like reach out and either tell you their story or, you know, you know, maybe just ask you a question, whatever it may be. If people want to reach out to you, where can they reach you?

Traci Neal (26:13)
The easiest is my website, which is tracywithaneye.com. I tell people that’s my one stop shop. And humor you guys, I’m not on any social media, but I’m in the media. I’m in the media though.

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (26:15)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Listen, listen, you’re

not missing out on anything. Trust me, I wish that, like sometimes I wish that I wasn’t on social media sometimes, but like, I always look at it from the positive standpoint because with all the darkness that’s out there, the great part about social media is that I get to meet a variety of people and I get to use my platform to spread

like messages like what you have to people that are probably watching or listening to this being like, yes, yes, that’s me. She gets it. know, like that, that makes it all worth it. You know what I’m saying? And like, that’s, that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. And I really appreciate you. I’m going to include Tracy’s website in the description of this podcast episode. So all you have to do is click and reach out that all be there.

Tracy, thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I appreciate you.

Traci Neal (27:32)
Thank you for having me, it was so much fun!

Kyrus Keenan Westcott (27:34)
absolutely, absolutely, my friends. If you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure that you go leave a review. Let us know what you think of this episode. Let us know what you think of my friend Tracy. Let us know what you think of me and my beanie that I’m wearing today. Whatever you want. Leave a review because that is how we get better. Thank you, Tracy. I appreciate your time. Awesome.

Traci Neal (27:57)
Thank you.