Have you ever wanted to support a marginalized community, but worried you might do it wrong? Or worse, accidentally make it about yourself? Yeah. Same.
In this week’s episode of The Vibe With Ky Podcast, I had the honor of sitting down with Dr. Kryss Shane to talk about what it actually means to support marginalized communities in a way that’s human, helpful, and not performative. And since it’s Pride Month, this conversation couldn’t have come at a better time.
Listen or Watch the Full Episode:
Meet Dr. Kryss Shane
Dr. Kryss Shane is a DEI consultant, educator, licensed clinical social worker, and author of four books on LGBTQ+ inclusion. She’s been called “America’s Leading LGBT+ Expert” by The New York Times and has worked with schools, healthcare institutions, Fortune 500 companies, and governments around the world. In other words, when she talks about allyship, you listen. Learn more at https://thisiskryss.com.
The Real Meaning of Allyship
Right out of the gate, Kryss made it clear: Allyship is about centering the people you want to support, not yourself. That sounds simple, but it’s where so many of us slip up. We want to do good, but we also want to feel good. And those two things aren’t always the same.
“You cannot center yourself and be an activist for a group you are not a member of,” she said. That line stopped me in my tracks. Because let’s be real: most of us have probably had moments where our good intentions got tangled up with our ego.
Performative vs. Meaningful
We talked about the difference between performative activism and real support. You know what performative allyship looks like, rainbow logos in June, Black squares on Instagram, statements with no action. Kryss challenged us to go deeper.
“If you’re only showing up when it’s trending, you’re not showing up,” she said.
During Pride Month especially, this hit hard. Supporting the LGBTQ+ community isn’t about slapping a rainbow on something. It’s about doing the work year-round, even when no one is watching.
Discomfort Is Part of the Deal
One of my favorite moments in the conversation was when Kryss talked about the importance of being okay with discomfort. When you’re supporting a marginalized community you don’t belong to, you’re going to mess up. You’re going to feel awkward. And that’s okay.
“You can’t let the fear of getting it wrong stop you from trying to get it right.”
That hit home. So many people hold back because they’re scared of saying the wrong thing. But growth only happens when we’re willing to show up imperfectly.
Joy as a Form of Resistance
Here’s something you don’t hear enough in these conversations: joy matters too. Kryss reminded us that celebrating joy, culture, and identity is just as important as calling out injustice.
She shared how joy can be a powerful way to recharge and stay grounded in this work. It’s not just about fighting against things, it’s about celebrating people, too.
And during Pride Month, this really resonated. Pride is about visibility, history, and protest… yes. But it’s also about love, joy, and resilience. That’s worth honoring.
Actionable Ways to Support Marginalized Communities
Kryss shared so many practical tips throughout our chat. Here are a few that stood out:
- Listen more than you talk
- Educate yourself without expecting others to do the work for you
- Amplify voices, don’t overshadow them
- Take action even when it’s inconvenient or unpopular
- Reflect on your own privilege and biases regularly
One Small Step You Can Take Today:
Pick one organization led by people from a marginalized community you don’t belong to. Follow them, donate, or share their work. Let that be the start of an ongoing practice.
FAQ
Q. How do I know if I’m being performative or actually helping?
A. Ask yourself who the action centers. Is it about showing your support or being seen supporting?
Q. What if I say the wrong thing and offend someone?
A. Apologize, learn, and do better next time. Don’t make it about you. Everyone messes up. The goal is growth, not perfection.
Q. Why is it important to support communities I’m not a part of?
A. Because collective liberation means none of us are free until all of us are. Solidarity is how we build safer, more inclusive spaces for everyone.
5 Key Takeaways
- Allyship is about centering others, not yourself.
- Performative support is not the same as real, lasting action.
- Discomfort is part of the learning process.
- Joy is a valid and powerful part of activism.
- You can take small, consistent steps toward better allyship today.
Final Thoughts
This conversation with Dr. Kryss Shane wasn’t just informative. It was a reminder that we’re all capable of making things better, but only if we’re willing to keep showing up, learning, and listening.
And during Pride Month, that reminder feels extra important.
Being an ally isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
