Have you ever gone from calm to completely frustrated in a matter of seconds and thought, “Why am I like this?” If you have ADHD, that reaction might be more about how your brain is wired than anything else. In this episode of The Vibe With Ky Podcast, I break down exactly why ADHD frustration can feel so intense, share some of my own messy moments, and walk you through five tools that help me keep my cool more often than not.

Watch or listen to the full episode here:

ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation: What’s Really Going On

When I was first diagnosed with ADHD in 2022, I thought it was just about focus, distraction, and maybe losing my keys too often. But then I started noticing something else creeping into my daily life. I was snapping at people I loved over nothing. Yelling at traffic like every driver had personally offended me. Feeling that heat in my chest and pounding heartbeat before I even knew what was happening.

The kicker? I had no idea this was connected to ADHD. Research shows about 70% of adults with ADHD struggle with emotional dysregulation (source). That’s a fancy way of saying our emotions don’t always have a great filter. We don’t choose to overreact, our brains process emotions so fast and so intensely that they often skip the “pause and think” stage entirely.

The “Pause Button” Problem

Here’s why that happens. Our working memory is like a built-in pause button for our brain. In a neurotypical brain, it gives you a moment to stop, think, and decide before reacting. In ADHD brains, that pause button sometimes gets jammed, or goes missing entirely.

Without it, big emotions like frustration skip straight to action mode. As Dr. Russell Barkley puts it, ADHD brains feel emotions faster and more intensely, like turning the emotional volume knob all the way up with no quick way to turn it down.

Common Frustration Triggers for ADHD Brains

You might notice frustration sneaking up in moments like:

  • Waiting longer than expected
  • Being interrupted mid-focus
  • Sensory overload from noise, lights, or movement
  • Feeling criticized, even gently
  • Having too many demands thrown at you at once

For me, the worst used to be unexpected changes. I’d have a plan in my head and then someone would toss in a “quick change.” My brain treated it like a five-alarm emergency.

My 5 Tools for Managing ADHD Frustration

Here’s the framework I use now to handle frustration more effectively:

  1. Pause Before You Pounce – Even two seconds can help you slow down and respond instead of react.
  2. Name It to Tame It – Say to yourself, “I’m frustrated right now” to shift from reaction to awareness.
  3. Change the Channel – Move your body, splash cold water on your face, or step outside to break the loop.
  4. Post-Game, Not Mid-Game – Wait until emotions settle before having the tough conversation.
  5. Build a Frustration Map – Track your triggers so you can prepare for them ahead of time.

The “Frustration Exit Plan” That Saves Me

One of my favorite tools came from spilling iced coffee all over my keyboard during a live Zoom meeting. My three-step plan:

  1. Stand up immediately.
  2. Leave the space if you can.
  3. Do a reset action (for me, running my hands under cold water).

Half the time, I realize what I was upset about isn’t worth the energy by the time I finish step three.

One Small Step You Can Take Today

Start paying attention to your “frustration patterns” this week. Jot down when, where, and why it happens. Even if you can’t prevent every trigger, simply noticing them can help you prepare and respond in ways that work better for you.

Key Takeaways

  1. ADHD frustration is often tied to emotional dysregulation and working memory issues.
  2. Our brains can skip the “pause” stage and jump straight to action.
  3. Identifying common triggers can help you plan ahead.
  4. A simple, practiced framework can reduce overreactions.
  5. Small resets can make a big difference in how the rest of your day goes.

FAQ

Q. Is emotional dysregulation part of ADHD?
A. Yes. Research shows around 70% of adults with ADHD experience it, even though it’s not in the official diagnostic criteria.

Q. Will medication fix my frustration issues?
A. Medication can help with focus and attention, but emotional regulation often needs additional strategies like therapy or mindfulness.

Q. How do I explain this to people in my life?
A. Keep it simple: “Sometimes my brain reacts faster than I can think. I’m working on tools to slow that down.”

Frustration is part of ADHD, but it doesn’t have to run the show. With awareness, a few tools, and some practice, you can shift from feeling hijacked to feeling in charge.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky