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I spent 34 years of my life thinking I was simply bad at being an adult. When I finally received my adult ADHD diagnosis, it felt like a lens finally made the blur make sense. But finding out you have a neurodivergent brain is only step one. The next phase involves looking at all the survival mechanisms you built and deciding which ones need to go. We spend so much energy performing for a world not built for us. We burn ourselves out trying to fit in, and we blame ourselves when our biology does not align with neurotypical expectations. When you live with AuDHD symptoms, you often experience a constant tug of war between craving novelty and needing strict routines. This takes a massive toll on our nervous systems.

That is why I needed to sit down with Savannah from Colour Me Neurospicy. She helps neurodivergent women and adults understand the “why” behind their challenges. Savannah brings a brilliant perspective to managing executive dysfunction and healing from decades of people pleasing.

Before we jump into the conversation, I want to take a moment to thank our sponsor. This season is brought to you by Sucreabeille, an incredible indie perfume house grounded in storytelling. Be sure to check out my specific collaborative scent, “Why Did I Walk Into This Room”. It is a gender-neutral love letter to the ADHD community.

The Exhausting Reality of ADHD Masking

When you grow up undiagnosed, your brain installs survival patterns to keep you safe. Savannah explained that her entire life before her diagnosis was a massive performance. This is what we call ADHD masking. We hide our struggles to appear neurotypical, which drains our energy and leads directly to burnout.

  • Accountability Check: While society places unfair expectations on us, it is our responsibility to redesign our lives. We have the power to dismantle these old patterns. Do not use your diagnosis as an excuse to stay stagnant.
  • Biological Fact: Masking is not a character flaw. It is a biological survival mechanism deployed by your nervous system to avoid social danger.
  • Professional Insight: According to CHADD, masking often causes intense psychological distress and delays a proper medical diagnosis.

Decoding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

One of the most intense parts of having an adult ADHD diagnosis is dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Savannah shared a brilliant perspective on how our brains process information. We take in significantly more data points per second than a neurotypical person. To manage this overload, our brains delete, distort, and generalize information.

This means that when a friend sends a text without a smiley face, our brain distorts that missing data point into a massive rejection. The feelings are intense, but the story our brain tells us is often completely false.

  • Actionable Advice: The next time you feel a rejection spiral starting, pause and ask for the facts. A simple text asking for clarity will save you hours of anxiety.
  • Medical Context: The Cleveland Clinic notes that RSD involves extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of being rejected or criticized.

Reframing Executive Dysfunction

During our chat, we had a deep debate about whether ADHD is a disability or if we are simply differently abled. Savannah looks at things through the lens of positive reframing. She chooses to attach empowering meanings to her daily struggles.

When it comes to executive dysfunction, it is important to remember that our brains operate on interest and urgency. It is biology, not laziness. When you struggle to start a task, your brain is lacking the necessary dopamine chemistry to initiate the action.

  • Build Scaffolding: You need to build external systems to help your brain succeed. Use timers, body doubling, or immediate rewards to bridge the dopamine gap.
  • A Word from Savannah: “Everything happens for a reason. And we attach meaning to everything in life. So why not choose the most empowering meaning possible and consciously create the story of your life as it unfolds.”

Guest Resources

Be sure to support Savannah and check out the amazing work she is doing for the neurodivergent community.

People Also Ask

Q: What are common AuDHD symptoms in adults? A: Adults with both autism and ADHD often experience a strong craving for novelty mixed with a deep need for routine. They frequently deal with sensory overload, executive dysfunction, and intense rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Q: How do I stop ADHD masking? A: Unmasking starts with self awareness. You must identify which behaviors are genuine and which are performances designed to please others. Start setting small boundaries and allow yourself to use accommodations without guilt.

Q: What is the connection between RSD and ADHD? A: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a highly common emotional regulation challenge for people with ADHD. It causes intense emotional pain when someone perceives criticism or rejection, even if that rejection is false.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your neurodivergent traits, give yourself permission to step away and reset. Stop fighting your biology and start working with it. Take one small step today to honor your brain.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional. I am a guy sharing my story. Please seek professional help if you are struggling.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky