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Have you ever felt guilty for feeling happy?
Like, life is falling apart around you, but somehow, you find yourself laughing at a dumb joke, or dancing in your kitchen in your pajamas, or letting yourself exhale after a long day, and then boom. Guilt. Shame. That weird voice in your head going, “Shouldn’t you be doing more right now?”
Yeah. Same.
In this episode of The Vibe With Ky Podcast, I sat down with my friend and returning guest Dr. Kryss Shane, and we dug into what it means to find joy with ADHD, especially when life feels overwhelming, heavy, or straight-up chaotic.
Meet Dr. Kryss Shane
If you’re not familiar with Dr. Kryss Shane yet, let me introduce you to one of the most joyfully brilliant humans I know. She’s an educator, author, mental health advocate, and social justice powerhouse. You’ve probably seen her featured everywhere from Forbes to CNN. She’s known for being a leader in the LGBTQ+ community and a compassionate voice in mental health spaces.
More than that, she’s a human who deeply understands how tough it can be to find peace and joy in a world that rarely slows down for us.
You can learn more about her work at https://www.thisiskryss.com and follow her on Instagram at http://instagram.com/thisiskryss.
Joy Doesn’t Have to Be Earned
One of the biggest themes we tackled in this episode was the idea that people with ADHD (and really, anyone living with chronic stress or mental health challenges) often feel like they need to earn their joy.
Kryss put it perfectly when she said:
“Joy doesn’t have to be some grand moment. It can be cheese. It can be The Golden Girls.”
And listen… as someone who has definitely found peace in mozzarella sticks and reruns of Golden Girls, that hit hard.
We talked about the guilt that comes with feeling good when everything around us feels broken. How joy can feel like cheating. But as Kryss reminded me (and all of us): “You’re allowed to be joyful. Even in hard times. Especially in hard times.”
Joy as a Form of Resistance
Another powerful idea that came up: joy as resistance.
When you’re neurodivergent or part of a marginalized group, it can feel like your life is a constant uphill battle. People don’t always get you. The systems around you aren’t always built for your brain or your needs.
So when you choose to smile, to rest, to dress up in your favorite tie-dye, or to sing out loud in the car… that’s resistance. That’s power.
“It’s a way of saying, ‘I matter. I’m worthy of feeling good, even in this world that tries to tell me I’m too much or not enough.’”
That reframed everything for me. Joy isn’t something I have to chase. It’s something I can practice. Like a daily rebellion.
Small Joy Rituals That Actually Help
We didn’t just talk theory. Kryss shared some real, tangible ways she finds joy in her daily life. And spoiler: they’re simple.
Here are a few of her favorites:
- Wearing colors that make her happy (“dopamine dressing”)
- Eating something she actually wants to eat, not just something “productive”
- Making time for hobbies that bring comfort, not performance
- Watching something funny or nostalgic on purpose
None of these require perfection. Just presence.
Actionable Tip: Start a Joy List
If you’re like me, your brain can sometimes blank when it comes to doing something for yourself. So here’s a small practice we talked about that I now swear by:
Create a joy list.
Literally write down 10 things… tiny, silly, soft things… that bring you joy. Keep it on your phone or fridge. And when you’re in a funk, pick one. No pressure. Just one.
Why This Conversation Mattered
Because the truth is: finding joy with ADHD isn’t just about being happy. It’s about choosing to keep showing up in your own life. It’s about making room for yourself in a world that often forgets how beautiful your chaos really is.
5 Key Takeaways
Joy doesn’t have to be earned or justified.
- Small rituals can make a big emotional impact.
- Guilt around joy is common—but not a reason to stop trying.
- Joy can be a radical act of resistance for people with ADHD.
- You’re allowed to feel good, even if everything isn’t fixed.
FAQ
Q. Why is joy harder to access for people with ADHD?
A. Our brains often chase urgency and stimulation, not contentment. Slowing down to feel good can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe.
Q. What is “dopamine dressing”?
A. It’s the idea of wearing colors, textures, or clothes that spark a hit of dopamine, a little joy bump, through sensory or emotional association.
Q. Is it normal to feel guilty when you’re happy?
A. Yes. Especially for those living with trauma, anxiety, or neurodivergence. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human.
Final Thoughts
Finding joy with ADHD isn’t always easy. But it is possible, and it matters more than we realize.
Whether your version of joy is tie-dye hoodies, cheese snacks, or sitcom reruns, let this be your reminder: you don’t have to wait until you’ve fixed everything to feel good.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
