What happens when a family builds their entire world around untreated mental illness? That’s the story at the heart of my conversation with author Lauren Henry Brehm on The Vibe With Ky Podcast. Her new book, The French Court: Essays from One Family’s Legacy of Mental Illness, paints a raw picture of how her grandmother’s untreated OCD shaped three generations of her family.
This episode mattered to me because so many of us know what it feels like to grow up in silence, tiptoeing around mental health struggles, and trying to make sense of it as adults. Lauren’s honesty gives us a way to look at our own stories with compassion instead of shame.
🎧 Check out the full conversation here:
Who is Lauren Henry Brehm?
Lauren is a writer, teacher, and mental health advocate. Her book The French Court is a collection of essays that explore what happens when untreated OCD takes over a family system. She writes with brutal honesty about depression, suicidal ideation, and later receiving an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis.
The “French Court” Analogy
Lauren’s father once explained her grandmother’s untreated OCD like this: “When someone is mentally ill enough to think they are Napoleon, you either get them help, or you build a French court around them.”
Her grandmother’s compulsions became the rules of the household. Instead of receiving treatment, the family was expected to carry out her routines for her. Lauren calls this “OCD by proxy.” The result? A family culture where silence was survival, and trauma carried forward for generations.
Living With Depression and Suicidal Ideation
Lauren spoke candidly about her depression and self-talk struggles:
“Healing isn’t the destination. Healing is a journey. I’m still, at 66 years old, learning to love myself.”
That hit me hard. Many adults feel like they are “behind” in their healing. Lauren reminds us there is no finish line, only tools and compassion that help us keep moving.
Late Autism Diagnosis
At 59, Lauren received an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis after years of not fitting in at work or in social settings. She explained how this diagnosis reframed her past and gave her clarity:
“I don’t even know if I’ve ever had depression on its own, or if it was from living without fitting in for so long.”
Her story speaks to many adults who are late-diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, OCD, or depression. The labels aren’t about being boxed in, they’re about finally understanding the “why.”
The Myth of Ignoring Mental Illness
One of Lauren’s strongest points:
“You can’t ignore mental illness out of existence. It isn’t a quirk. It’s a disease process, and it deserves treatment and compassion.”
If you break your arm, people rush to get you help even though they can’t see the bone under your skin. Yet with depression or anxiety, the invisible pain is often dismissed. This episode is a reminder to treat mental health with the same seriousness as physical health.
Key Takeaways for You
Here are some lessons from Lauren’s story you can reflect on today:
- Silence doesn’t heal. Naming what’s happening is the first step.
- Healing is a process. There is no finish line. You grow stronger by building coping skills over time.
- Compassion matters. Extend it to yourself, your family, and even those who caused harm.
- Diagnosis brings clarity. Labels don’t define you, but they can help you understand your patterns.
Action Step for You
Think about one mental health struggle you’ve stayed silent about. Write it down. Say it out loud to yourself. Consider sharing it with someone safe. Breaking silence, even in small ways, reduces shame.
Why You Should Read The French Court
Lauren’s book isn’t a manual. It’s truth-telling. It shows how untreated OCD ripples through generations, but also how compassion can stop the cycle. If this episode speaks to you, I encourage you to support Lauren by getting her book: Buy The French Court.
I’m not a mental health professional. I share my own experiences, and conversations like this one, to support you in your journey. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a qualified therapist, doctor, or crisis line in your area.
Much love. Good vibes. – Ky
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