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I used to think being forgetful just meant I was a busy guy. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD at 34 and realized half the things I called personality quirks were actually my brain chemistry working against me the whole time. That is exactly why this conversation about ADHD in women hit so hard for me.

My guest today spent years being told by doctors that she could not possibly have ADHD. Not because she did not show symptoms, but because she was too successful for anyone to take a second look.

That guest is my good friend Sharon Pope, and her story is one of the clearest examples I have heard of how ADHD in women gets missed, dismissed, and misdiagnosed for years.

Meet Sharon Pope, Founder of Shelpful

Sharon Pope is the founder of Shelpful, an AI powered accountability app built for ADHD and overwhelmed brains. Before starting Shelpful, she spent her career in startups, eventually becoming the youngest chief marketing officer of any company on the New York Stock Exchange at age 28.

Sharon built Shelpful before she even knew she had ADHD herself. It was not a clinician who finally connected the dots. It was her own app’s users, the people she built the product to help, who recognized the symptoms in her first.

Today, Sharon is an outspoken advocate for adults with ADHD, especially women who were overlooked or misdiagnosed for years the way she was.

The Rock Bottom Moment Behind Shelpful

Sharon did not set out to build an ADHD app. She built Shelpful after a personal breaking point three months after having her second child.

She told me she remembered sitting on her couch at ten at night, still in the workout clothes she had planned to wear hours earlier, unable to remember if she had taken a sip of water all day. Her kids were fed. Her dog was walked. Everyone around her was taken care of except her.

“I have friends, I have family, I have the traditional things that I need to get help, but I’m not going to ask my friend to check in to see if I had water or not,” Sharon said. That gap, the lack of anyone whose actual job it was to check on her, became the entire premise for Shelpful.

This pattern is incredibly common. If you have ever felt that wave of guilt for letting your own needs slide while everyone else’s stayed handled, you are not imagining it. The biology behind that guilt cycle is something I have broken down before, and it is not a willpower problem.

Why ADHD in Women Goes Undiagnosed for Years

Sharon’s own diagnosis story is the part of this episode that stuck with me most. Two separate doctors told her she could not have ADHD because she got good grades in college and kept getting promoted at work.

“You said you got promoted like three times. You just have anxiety, little lady,” Sharon recalled being told.

This is not a rare experience. A 2026 study from Monash University’s HER Centre Australia found that the gap in ADHD diagnosis rates between men and women likely reflects systemic misdiagnosis and underdiagnosis of females, rather than ADHD actually being less common in women. A separate clinical review published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that satisfactory academic achievement should never be used to rule out an ADHD diagnosis, since many women develop coping strategies that mask their symptoms until those strategies eventually break down.

Sharon’s high performance at work was not evidence against ADHD. It was a coping mechanism that worked right up until it did not.

How Shelpful Helps Adults With Executive Dysfunction

What makes Shelpful different from a basic reminder app or a planner is that it does not wait for you to remember to check in. Sharon described it as a to do list that talks back, where you can vent your tasks out loud, send a photo of your calendar, or leave a voice note, and the AI organizes it and proactively follows up with you throughout the day.

The app is also designed around small steps instead of overwhelming demands. Sharon explained that if something is on your list, Shelpful will not push you to complete the whole task at once. It might just ask you to open a browser tab toward your taxes, or step outside for a breath before a walk.

This approach reflects something I talk about often on this show: executive dysfunction is not about motivation, it is about how the ADHD brain processes time, reward, and task initiation differently. If resting or pausing ever feels like falling behind to you, I have written before about why resting can feel like failing when your brain is wired this way.

Why Generic Advice Like Just Get a Planner Does Not Work

One of the most validating moments in this conversation was Sharon’s blunt take on traditional productivity advice. She said any advice that starts with the word just, like just get a planner or just set an alarm, is usually the worst advice you can give someone with ADHD.

Her AI buddy was specifically designed to never use that kind of language. Instead of telling a user to overhaul their entire routine, it asks for one small, doable next step.

That distinction matters because shame rarely produces lasting change. If a mental health label or a string of failed systems has ever made you feel defined by your diagnosis instead of supported by it, that tension is worth sitting with, and it connects closely to how diagnosis labels can start to define you if you let them.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

  • You will understand why high achievement in women does not rule out ADHD, and why it often masks it instead.
  • You will learn why generic advice like just get a planner consistently fails ADHD brains.
  • You will see how proactive, low pressure nudges work better than rigid systems for executive dysfunction.
  • You will walk away with a new way to view small daily struggles as resourcefulness, not failure.

People Also Ask

Q: Why is ADHD often missed in women?

A: ADHD in women is frequently missed because symptoms tend to be inattentive rather than hyperactive, and women often develop coping strategies that mask their struggles. Many women are misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression instead, since those symptoms can overlap with undiagnosed ADHD.

Q: Can you have ADHD and still be a high achiever?

A: Yes. High achievement is often a coping mechanism rather than evidence against ADHD. Many women, like Sharon Pope, perform well academically or professionally for years while privately struggling with focus, memory, and self care, until the coping strategies eventually become unsustainable.

Q: What is Shelpful and how does it help with ADHD?

A: Shelpful is an AI powered accountability app that proactively nudges users to complete small daily tasks and self care habits, rather than waiting for them to remember on their own. It is built specifically for ADHD and overwhelmed brains, breaking tasks into smaller, less intimidating steps.

Q: Why does self care often get dropped first for people with ADHD?

A: People with ADHD often hold themselves to less accountability than they hold for their job, kids, or other people in their lives. Letting yourself down typically carries less immediate consequence than letting someone else down, which makes personal habits like drinking water or resting the first things to slip.

Final Thoughts

What stuck with me most after this conversation was something Sharon said near the end. She told me that figuring out you do not have to fold your laundry, or building yourself an AI buddy to remind you to drink water, is not failure. That is genius.

I needed that reframe today, and I have a feeling some of you did too. If you have spent years quietly judging yourself for the small stuff, this episode is for you.

If anything in this conversation resonated, go check out Shelpful for yourself, and give Sharon a follow on Instagram to see more of her work.

If you got something out of this episode, leave a review wherever you are listening or watching, and come follow me at @TheVibeWithKy on all your favorite platforms for more conversations like this one.

This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional.

Much love. Good vibes. – Ky